Up to 45% of women report their birth experience as traumatic1. Whether it was not feeling heard, not having a say in medical interventions, being treated disrespectfully during labor and delivery, feeling surprised or rushed, or feeling like labor was dragging on for too long, your perspective of it being traumatic is valid.
You don’t have to heal alone from a traumatic birth. Individual and couples therapy are extremely beneficial after a difficult pregnancy, postpartum, or birth experience. Read on to discover how counseling helps after a traumatic birth experience, or click here if you are in the state of Kansas and ready for therapy.
What counts as a birth trauma?
Trauma is subjective. The only people who can define a birth as traumatic are the individuals who experienced it. If you are a new parent, even if you are the non-birthing partner, and you feel emotionally disturbed after labor and delivery, you may be experiencing the effects of birth trauma.
What defines a traumatic birth experience is whether or not the parents feel like it was traumatic.
Signs of birth trauma:
- Avoiding reminders of the birth (such as photos of the birth or newborn stage, driving by the hospital or birthing center, talking about the birth with others, etc)
- Intrusive or unwanted thoughts about the experience
- Having nightmares or flashbacks related to labor and delivery
- Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
- Being anxious at the thought of another pregnancy or birth
- Intense feelings of sadness
- Irritability or rage
- Hypervigilance, or feeling like something bad might happen
- Feeling physically cut off from your body or emotionally numb
- Wanting to avoid being around your baby
You might experience one, all, or some of these symptoms if you’ve experienced birth trauma. Either way, you deserve to seek help to process these feelings and move towards healing.
How will counseling help me with birth trauma?
Birth trauma might affect your mental health in a variety of ways: physically, emotionally, or relationally.
Therapy can help you explore:
- The impact of feeling scared, helpless, or unsupported
- Why the experienced affected you emotionally
- Activities to feel more bonded to your baby
- The effects of birth trauma (ex. chronic pain, infertility, fear of getting pregnant again)
- The impact of birth trauma on your relationships with family or your partner
- How to trust medical providers again
- Post-traumatic growth and how it is re-shaping who you are
- Exactly what you need in that very moment
Unresolved trauma doesn’t just go away. We carry it with us in our bodies, feelings, how we talk, how we interact with others, and how we parent. It’s important to heal yourself, so that you can heal your family, too.
How do I find birth trauma therapy near me?
While a Google search or the use of PsychologyToday can be helpful, it is important to find a therapist who is trained in perinatal mental health, the effects of birth trauma, and appropriate interventions to continue to validate your experience. Asking perinatal professionals for recommendations, such as ob-gyns, prenatal chiropractors, midwives, or lactation consultants, can be a great place to start.
Postpartum Support International also runs a directory on their website that lists perinatal mental health professionals. In order to be included on the directory, therapists must complete a 2-year process to receive a Certification in Perinatal Mental Health.
Difficult birth experiences are distinctive. Their impacts persist through changing you as a person and as a parent, adjusting your relationships with those close to you, and impacting how you view yourself and others. It is important to work with a therapist who understands the feelings and symptoms of trauma as well as childbirth. I have extensive training in treating perinatal trauma, and I look forward to sitting alongside you as you heal one step at a time.
What type of therapy is best for a traumatic birth experience?
There are a variety of approaches to therapy in postpartum. A good therapist will adjust their treatment plan to use the modalities that best fit your situation and your healing. Still, it can be helpful to know the most effective treatments for birth trauma.
Somatic therapy can benefit the birthing individual tremendously after a traumatic birth experience. Your body, or your mind, may have felt threatened during labor and delivery. Chances are your body is still in a flight, fright, or freeze trauma response due to the overwhelm. In his book The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel van der Kolk writes, “In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.”2
We carry these experiences of a difficult pregnancy or birth with us in our bodies, so we must include the body in therapy in order to fully heal.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is also effective for trauma. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and unhelpful behaviors then replacing them with more productive, realistic thoughts and behaviors. In terms of birth trauma, you might spiral in your thoughts, wondering if you could’ve done something different to prevent the trauma, if your partner blames you, or if you’re worthy of being a parent. CBT challenges the truth behind these statements, helping you understand your thought processes and have greater control over them.3
Additional approaches can be impactful, too, when treating mental health after birth.
- Narrative therapy can help you rewrite the story you tell yourself and others about the birth.
- Strength-based approaches can shift the focus towards the strengths of you and/of your partner.
- Experiential therapy can allow you to tap into your creative side while still processing your feelings regarding the birth.
Can you go to couples therapy for birth trauma?
Absolutely! Attending relationship counseling after birth trauma can be extremely beneficial to your own mental health as well as the health of your relationship.
After birth trauma, individuals might experience symptoms of depression, anxiety, and higher rates of stress. These mental health issues directly impact familial relationships, including with a partner as well as the newborn.
How couples counseling helps after a traumatic birth experience
Marriage or relationship counseling can help with:
- Improving communication between you and your partner
- Increasing connection in your relationship
- Boosting the healing journey as you’re able to lean on one another
- Removing blame from the birthing individual, whether its self-blame or your partner blaming you
- Increasing confidence in your parenting ability – as well as your partner’s ability to parent!
- Contributing to the growth of you as individuals as well as a couple
Couples therapy isn’t just for married couples. People who experienced birth trauma together, whether in a romantic relationship or not, can process the birth alongside one another. This could include but is not limited to family members or co-parents. After all, you are the ones who know what the birth was like.
What if my partner and I view the birth differently?
Differing perspectives of how the birth went is normal! Yet that does not make it any easier on the relationship.
Often, therapy can be used to help each member of the couple understand one another’s opinion of the birth. By sharing therapy sessions and building empathy, couples can learn how to communicate about their individual experiences without invalidating one another. These couples are able to grow towards one another and heal from birth trauma while holding hands – rather than distancing themselves from each other.
Therapist for Birth Trauma in Wichita, KS
Riley Blanton, LMFT-T is a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health, especially regarding birth trauma. Riley offers individual, couples, and family therapy in her office in Wichita, KS or virtually through a secure video platform if you reside in the state of Kansas.
In the therapy room, I focus on the mind-body connection in therapy. Pregnancy, postpartum, and birth are intertwined with our brains and our bodies. After all, you’re on this website because your body went through a lot during birth. How can we heal our minds if we do not include our bodies?
This might look like incorporating grounding techniques to regulate your nervous system, practicing breathing strategies to focus on the present during flashbacks, or introducing yourself to your new body – one that has experienced a trauma and deserves to be held.
Additionally, we might assess how you are talking to yourself (Are you blaming yourself for what happened?), what stories you are telling yourself (Convincing yourself you can’t have another baby?), as well as the effects of the birth on your life (How is your bond with baby? How are your relationships? How often do you think about the birth?).
Overall, there’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to birth trauma therapy. We will work together to develop your treatment goals and move you towards healing one step at a time.
If I am not the best fit for you, I’d love to send you some referrals and get you connected with someone who can help! Postpartum is a vulnerable time, especially after a traumatic birth. You deserve to find support, and I’d be humbled to help you in that.
References
3 van der Kolk, B. (2015). The body keeps the score: Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma. Penguin Books.